We’ve all heard that phrase – 24/7 – until we’re sick to our stomachs. It’s become nothing more than a marketing phrase that means, “You have my full attention, my full dedication, my full cooperation and my full commitment, every waking moment of every hour.”
Basically, it’s a promise no one can keep. In other words, it’s bullshit.
Until now.
When I mentioned in my blog that I had recently lost my job, one of my regular woman readers suggested, facetiously, that I find a wealthy woman to take care of me. My first reaction was to laugh until I thought, “Hey, maybe she’s on to something here!”
So, I’m going to take her advice and put the following on my next dating profile. Ready?
To any woman that will have me, and can afford me, I can tell you honestly, that I am now available to you 24/7. Like Henry Fonda said during his role as Tom Joad in The Grapes of Wrath, “I’ll be there.”
Want someone to do your laundry?
I’ll be there.
Tired of paying a King’s ransom to have someone walk Fido walked around the block twice a day?
I’ll be there.
Want that dimmer switch, that hasn’t worked for years, to dim once again?
I’ll be there.
Tired of declining party invitations, or not taking that special vacation, because you hate to go on your own?
I’ll be there.
Looking for a little afternoon delight? Or some “delight” after anything at all?
I’ll definitely be there, 24/7.
The way I figure it, if many of the Fortune 500 companies can promise you their undivided attention, 24/7, why can’t I? And it seems to me that if the women on the dating sites are willing to sell their soul to any man whose waistline or ego are the only two things bigger than his financial portfolio, then why can’t I?
The fact is ladies, this is a chance of a lifetime. Before I move on to the next step in my career. Before I put myself back on the dating sites and get snapped up by someone who is infatuated with my charm, my communications skills, my passion and total honesty. Before any of that happens, I’m available 24/7 to someone who wants to take advantage of me…I mean take advantage of this situation.
“But doesn’t that mean that you are no better than a bad marketing slogan, or a woman who sells her soul for money?” you gasp in total surprise, and with mock disdain in your voice.
Of course not. I’m better than that. I plan to continue working, harder than ever before, but only on my writing, which will of course be inspired by you. I will continue to be my charming, thoughtful, passionate, honest self and you will be the beneficiary. I will continue to be humble, lean and hungry, but only for you.
Personally, I think this woman friend of mine stumbled on to something that really could work. And unless, you, my faithful readers, tell me otherwise, I’m seriously thinking that my next online dating profile will contain the words above, with the headline …
… Available 24/7
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