Things as of late have been very hot and cold. Seems pretty typical these days, really.
Last night I had an amazing evening with friends. We hit up a local theater to see a comedian I found on the Bonnie Hunt show. See, these are the things I get to do because I have no job. Sit at home my mother’s crowded 2BR apartment and watch daytime television while surfing the web for a jobby job. (oh, I watch the kid, too, but this is usually nap time when she actually TAKES one. Ugh.) Just so happened that the comedian, Kathleen Madigan, had a show in Chicago this weekend, tickets were cheap and available so I rounded up some fun ladies and took advantage of the ability to get some laughs. SO happy we went. It was a great show. And I’d highly recommend checking her out live, online or any other chance you can get. You will not be disappointed.
Today, I was supposed to have my therapy session…which was much needed. But it needed to be moved to Monday. Disappointing, but it provided me the rare opportunity to actually go to soccer with my daughter. And by soccer, I mean 3 footers running around haphazardly trying to kick the ball and falling on their butt instead. Quite amusing. My DH met us up there, so he did the running around with her, I did the photo-taking like every obnoxious parent should.
After soccer, we hit up the nearby McDonald’s playland. She played. DH and I talked. I could tell when he showed up at practice that he was agitated. Jaw clenching. Short and snippy with me. Inability to make pleasant small-talk. So when our daughter went to play and we sat down together without her, he dove right into custody/visitation discussions that I would have preferred to avoid. They never go anywhere good. Anywhere we can agree upon. Especially when he is clearly agitated. The initial tone is one that puts me on the defensive and makes me feel like I’m talking to an attorney with me being interrogated. This escalated to him telling me that because we have no legal agreement in place he has as much right to her as I do. And so what’s to prevent him from taking her home with him if she wants to go. Which is in direct opposition to what we’d agreed to the last time we’d talk. Which was basically: stick with the status quo (supervised visits) until we get a legal temporary custody/visitation agreement in place. Fun times. This discussion ended in me telling him I would prefer not to talk about it anymore as we weren’t being productive and things were getting shitty with us. He pushed more. I said I was leaving. Grabbed our daughter, had her say goodbye, give him a kiss, tell him she loved him. And we left.
He followed up with some calls. (I ignored) His mom called to ask if I would allow DD to stay over there if she were to fly into town for the weekend. I of course told her I absolutely would. I hate that it warrants this. But right now, it does. Then I got calls and texts apologizing and being very sweet and calm from DH. Up & down. Hot & cold. Even though I’ve come to expect this. It never makes it any easier.
At the end of the day, he let me know that even though he disagrees with me and feels he’s capable of watching DD unsupervised he will do what I want until we get something legal in place. Which is what I asked for in the first place. I don’t WANT to be the one who makes this call.
Nap time didn’t happen (again)…I think naps are phasing out, which makes me (and DD) miserable. I’m just tired of the arguing. Especially after a morning like today.
BUT this evening was nice. And it ended with an email from one of the places I interviewed at last week. They offered me the JOB.
This is the one that I really think I’d like what I’d be doing. It would be working with my old boss again as she now works there. I know I like the other people I’ve worked with in the past there (we used to be a client). It offers flexibility. It’s in the loop area (a short train or car ride away). It allows me the opportunity to work in interactive design/advertising (something my resume is lacking in). And it has some really fun clients.
BUT it’s a $5K pay cut.
Which, of course, begins the process of rationalizing and weighing everything. I could try to negotiate on vacation, phone and other “benefit/perk” type things. And let’s be honest, even a $5K paycut is more than my unemployment checks. AND I don’t have rent/mortgage, utilities to pay right now…but I will have the divorce and the joy of rebuilding my life as a single mom to think about.
Ahhhhh…decisions.
But I could think of worse scenarios, too. So I feel blessed to have the opportunity and will see what I can come up with to make my decision and move forward from here.
And tomorrow, I think, I’m going to do something I haven’t done in a while—
—go to church.
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